He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
