haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
