need another drink. this is the easiest way
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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