Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
