fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
