Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
North Korea, Best Korea!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
