Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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