next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
