Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
