Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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