fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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