My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
