Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
