I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You dont lie about slip and slides
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize