my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
