Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
