Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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