She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
