the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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