"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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