you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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