Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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