porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
