That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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