hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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