a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
