I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got inside last night via doggy door
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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