After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
