6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
