I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
