I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
