If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
