No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
