btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
