Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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