the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
did you just send me my own nude
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
