HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
