wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
