Screwed.edu
I puked a lego.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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