I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
