Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
