Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
