idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
