Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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