You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize