I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
