she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
