I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
