He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
