i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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