i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
