i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
