my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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