I wanna bring you to show and tell
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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