The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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