Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
