I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
