If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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