Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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