I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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