she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
