Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dear god my vagina.
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