She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
