During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
