oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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