mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
