dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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