woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
