i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
