she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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