Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
