Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
